Vice Style

Vice fashion has come a long way since the start of the magazine. Unfortunately, there are a few people out there who still think we dress up junkies and have them shoot heroin into their vaginas in our fashion shoots. Most high-fashion guys have noticed the changes in our mag and lend us clothing these days, but there are one or two that haven’t gotten the memo—in particular Rodarte.

Rodarte

For years we’ve tried to play nice to get the Mulleavy sisters to like us. Whether or not they truly dislike our publication we’ll never know, but certain members of their PR firm are openly anti-Vice. In fact, the very first time we asked to interview them the person we contacted was extremely offended that we even asked to talk to Kate and Laura. The second time we requested clothing they said no but let us pull their other brands and kindly sent us a garment bag that said "VICE MAGAZINE FOR LOSERS" on the label. Recently, their new rep has been very cordial when declining to work with us, but still, what the hell? The girls made costumes for the new Darren Aronofsky film but we’re too extreme? OK. 
 

As soon as I heard there was an early screening for Darren’s Black Swan I made it my top priority to score myself a seat. Seeing as how Rodarte's agency will never send me an invite for their show I needed to catch a glimpse of their new designs before everyone else – I set out to talk major shit on some Rodarte tutus. If there is one thing I know, from going to school with dancers from the School of American Ballet, it's being able to spot a damn good tutu from a mile away.

Now, before you read any further I have to apologize, there are no photos from the actual film because the theatre confiscated everyone’s phones. Apparently, they were too scared someone’s shitty camera phone photos were going to ruin the film for everyone even though it opens next week. So instead, I’ve decided to ruin the film for you with my words and some press photos I collected off the web:

Rodarte

The movie starts out with Natalie Portman dreaming about dancing in Swan Lake. She’s wearing a pretty white tutu but you don’t see much of it. 

There is a guy in what appears to be a black mop dancing with her. It looks like a piece from Asher Levine’s 2011 collection and it’s kind of cool.

Typical ballerina-ness occurs: auditions, throwing up in toilets, jealous stares, etc. Natalie is Miss Goody Two Shoes and frigid as hell, but dying to play the Swan Queen. She’s innocent enough to dance as the White Swan but not yet in touch with her dark side.

Mila Kunis also wants the part and she looks like a total bitch. (No Rodarte)

Natalie lets her sleazy teacher put the moves on her and SURPRISE, she gets the part. Then Winona Ryder appears out of nowhere as a washed up ballerina and does what she does best, she goes ape shit.  Finally, another gorgeous Rodarte gown appears on Natalie at the company cocktail party.

At this point I’m like “OK, this movie is boring”, but then Natalie’s teacher gives her a homework assignment which is to go home and masturbate because she’s dancing like she has a stick up her ass. Whoa, game changer. There are like five unsuccessful masturbating scenes. Most of which Natalie’s annoying mother walks in on. Her mom sucks.

Also, this might be a good time to mention that Natalie’s character is seriously unhinged and having hallucinations of herself bleeding all over the place. The crazy girl tries to rip her own skin off. Either she is totally off her rocker or just really hungry. 

The Black Swan is supposed to be a seductive role but Natalie is failing to meet the requirements. At one point her teacher says to her dance partner, “would you fuck this girl? I wouldn't”. Burn! Natalie starts to spiral and lose her marbles. 

Rodarte

Natalie complete with red eyes contemplating her insanity.

Rodarte

The Black Swan's dress.

Rodarte

Mila (in black) and Natalie (in white) fighting.

Badass Mila (who is constantly filmed removing her thongs) takes Natalie out, gets her wasted and slips MDMA in her cranberry and vodka. They dance, Natalie screws some guys in some bathrooms, they go back to Natalie’s then Mila goes down on Natalie. I repeat—Mila Kunis goes down on Natalie Portman.

OK, so Black Swan, the film Rodarte are all over, includes random hallucination scenes, possible schizophrenia, self-harm, drugs, lesbian sex with someone you've just been involved in a violent incident with, masturbation, oh, and suicide and Rodarte won't lend to us?